worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
