Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
