when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
