my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
