What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
