your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
