DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
