I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
