at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
