Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
