hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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