I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
