This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
