guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
