New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
