I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
