I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
