We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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