Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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