You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
