Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
