she peed on how many people?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
