i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
