Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
