sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
