Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
