Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
