you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
