I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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