I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
