Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
