a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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