What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
