but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
