I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've blown a few things in my day
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
