my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was like getting head from an anaconda
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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