he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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