we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
