im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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