whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
