She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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