Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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