hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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