He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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