I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
