It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
