i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
