this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
