Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
