How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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