Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
